In my last blog entry almost a month ago, I began writing a story. I totally forgot about it, but got reminded of it today and became inspired to write the next part. If you didn't read my last entry, this one will be easier to understand if you read the entry previous to this one first!
Let me know what you think, this is once again a VERY ROUGH DRAFT so any critiques, editing are welcome... although no one reads this, so it's just me editing myself usually. That's ok. :)
Read on!
Part II
She had fled the restaurant with fists clenched and her heart about to bust from its seams. She left faint trails of tears alongside her quick sloppy footprints in the sand. By the time she sat down, Chloe had composed herself — tears were weakness. She had reached what to most was just a rocky inlet of sea, but to her became a sanctuary.
She threw her head in her hands and sat down, so absorbed in thought that the sharp rocks kneading into her delicate flesh failed to distract her or prompt her to move to the nearby sandy beach. The gargantuan waves crashing against the Earth coincided with the frantic storm going on inside of her mind, and part of her wanted to scream. She wanted to just scream as loudly as she could, scream out the pain, scream out the suffering, scream out the nights of loneliness and heartache, scream out all of the scars she thought she had allowed God to heal, yet this MAN—this Daniel character—brought flooding back to her.
She breathed in the fresh air and held it in her lungs for longer than she thought possible. When she finally let it out with a sigh, she felt a little calmer. She licked her dry lips, which were salty from the ocean lightly breathing its mist onto her pale face. This added an intense need to quench her thirst to the growing list of things currently eating away at her. She realized she was thirsty for more than water and also realized everything eating away at her were ghosts from the past that she had not properly dealt with nor thought about in so long. She had surrendered them to God, had felt healed around him. She knew for a fact that she had done SOMETHING right, because the closer she became to God, the more million of miles away she was removed from the wretchedness of her past. Had she let him do everything he wanted to do with her yet though? Did he want to teach her more? Mold her into an even different person than she had already become?
No — I am sick of learning! Chloe thought to herself. I have been willing to learn for so long, willing to change and willing to be criticized for my flaws and willing to be hurt time and time again to become the beautiful person I thought I had become. God, why? I do not want to learn or change anymore. I was happy! Let me go back to that!
The haunting images came back into her head, and each time they did, it was just as painful as the first time she had lived through it.
She remembered how his face reddened as he clenched his fist at her, causing her little 15-year-old body to retreat backwards in such fear, such disappointment. Someone she loved full-heartedly and could never lay a finger on was thinking of seriously hurting her. That thought alone hurt her sensitive heart enough to keep her crying for days. He turned and his muscles showed through his tight black shirt as he slammed his fist into the wall instead. It was a lot louder than she had thought it would be and she jumped back again as her eyes swelled with tears.
“Ian, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please, calm down. I’m sorry.” He looked at her, his fit of anger unmoved by her sweet pleas. “I’m sorry, Ian. I love you so much! I didn’t mean to make you angry, this just isn’t what I had expected tonight, I’m sorry!” Something about this had triggered him to do what had always raced through his head, but he had never allowed himself to do. She was so pathetic and annoying tonight though, he thought she deserved it. He raised his hand, and shortly thereafter her tears flooded her face and her cheek stung incredibly. And that is the moment of her life where she really began to feel as if she were worthless. When he came back a few moments later speaking as if he lamented his actions and trying to console her, he pushed her into getting what had began the initial fight. Afraid of more physical injury, and somehow so sure she deserved this and that they were really in love—it was just a phase of their relationship—she allowed him to rip off the outfit she had painstakingly picked and saved up for. She allowed him to push her against the wall and hurt her repeatedly until he was fully satisfied.
Her heart ached when she thought of that young teenage girl she used to be. She wanted to go back and help that girl, to show her all the beauty that would come from it, to show her that even though life got worse during the years she spent with him, and although there would be more hurt to come, there was a light! There was a savior and there would be healing. But right now, she wasn’t even sure if she believed that. Although she had experienced it, although she knew what she had become, right now she didn’t know what to feel. In her heart of hearts, she knew she had to give Daniel a chance, but it was the last thing she wanted. Why not? Because even the closest of closes had broken her heart! Why would this carefree soul named Daniel be any different?
Part III
Back at the café, Daniel sat momentarily; he was flabbergasted. God, maybe you were wrong about this girl. He slowly started cleaning up the huge mess Chloe had left behind. For some reason, he felt that was very typical of her. As he began picking up those pieces, he realized her beautiful vintage necklace had fallen to the ground. He picked it up and ran his fingers over the gold heart-shaped locket, which made him think more of Chloe and the real heart that lay beneath that necklace.
Most people harden their hearts after being hurt. There is quite a grand difference between that and what Chloe had done. She had built a wall around hers. The difference was that one who hardens his or her heart has a very difficult time softening it, there is no easy reversal for that. But a wall could be broken down! It could be slowly chipped away at allowing to be revealed the tender beauty kept safe beneath those barriers. Had he already began to chip away at the bricks and mortar? Would he soon be allowed even a small glimpse of this stunning creatures inner beauty? He left a 20 Euro note on the table and ran out the door, realizing that he couldn’t continue chipping away at a heart when its owner was nowhere in site.
Chloe’s mind continued to race with horrible ugly thoughts of the men who had abused her and the friends who had stripped her and treated her just like those terrible men, the time she had spent hiding who she really was. And in this moment, the tears came so easily and so naturally for the first time since that 15-year-old girl had decided to never cry again and to never let anyone get close enough to hurt her like that again. And though they had hurt her, she had never let it show before — especially through tears!
She practically collapsed into the water at the gentle touch on her nape. She didn’t have to turn around, she knew who it was.
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Not sure where it's going from here...!!! Eek!
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