I don't think anyone could possibly understand what I am feeling right now... and I guess that's ok. How could they? Most people only see stuff like what happened to me on TV...
It's just funny how one day you think you have all these problems... and then something so huge happens, that all of those problems explode and cease to matter... or even really exist.
Any innocence I had left has been stripped of me, and I am picking up the pieces slowly...
But it's things like this that make you realize how many people love you and really would do anything for you, and for that I am so grateful.
I can't stop thinking about all that I've been through the past few days, and I wish I could stop.
I want to go back to Querétaro and reverse the one bad thing that happened so I could be with all the people there I grew to love!
I feel like after something so traumatizing, I should have something deep, dark, philosophical and emotionally moving... but I have spent almost 2 days crying... and I really feel completely emotionless right now... like I do not know what to feel... I don't know what's normal... and I don't know what to do to get my life back to normal except to pretend like everything IS normal... and laugh. I love to laugh, and every chance I've had to make a joke, I've made it... I think people don't know what to do... but laugh, really do it, because it makes me feel so much better.
I'm going to go to the gym and pound away at the machines. That makes me feel better, too!
And chocolate cake. And cooking dinner. And being with my friends and getting hugs and having people tell me the love me.
I guess this post is mainly just to say thank you to everyone... and let you know that I am doing ok... and to continue to pray for me... and talk to me! I don't want to get lonely and have even more time to think about all the shit that happened. :) :)
I feel like only my close friends/family read this... but if it's other people as well, I'm sorry that you might not know what I am talking about, but I'd prefer to leave it at this for now...
I'm so grateful for you all... and right now I really miss three certain people who cannot be with me... :( i wish you could... Oh, how the impossibility of things makes you want them so much more.
I miss speaking Spanish already! So talk to me in Spanish! hahaha
5 comments:
Erika, my dear. I love you so much-- you have no idea. Your smile brightens up my day... and your laughter warms my soul. I hate that this has happened to you. Bad things always happen to the most amazing people... it's twisted but true.
I am praying for you everyday. Every moment of everyday.
I hope to see you before I leave for my trip. If not, I owe you a large hug-- ok? :)
Love always,
Tina
I would utter words of friendship in Spanish if I could, but alas I desire to be unilingual all of my life. See you on the fourth, if not sooner?
:/
Te amo Erika... Te extrañamos aquí. Nos Vemos temprano.
time can be the greatest gift...feeling the pain and the loneliness is sometimes like a magic pill that has the power to make everything go away. truth is, it will never go away, but by feeling the hurt you will find clarity in who you truly are...do not stop trusting people, just always know that something unexpected can happen...you are beautiful!
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